Operation Royai
by Kari Winters
Summary: Roy and Riza have always skirted around their feelings long enough. Now, Hughes wants to have a godchild for himself. He'll do anything that's necessary to get Roy and Riza together. Royai. First fic so please leave feedback.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: As much as I wish to own Fullmetal Alchemist, I do not. I don't own the characters, just the plot of this story.**

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It was a dreary day in Central. The rain had been pouring for days non-stop and no one was more miserable than Colonel Roy Mustang. Not only was he useless on rainy days but the stacks of paperwork on his desk added to his miserable mood. Suddenly, the doors burst open as a man with greenish-black hair and glasses came walking up to the Colonel with a huge smile on his face.

"Roy!" the man shouted, "How's it going? You're looking really down today. You know what would probably make your day better? A wife. To be able to go home to a loving family, be greeted with a kiss by your lovely wife, and a hug from your son or daughter. Doesn't that thought make you feel better already?"

"Hughes," the Colonel growled, attempting to catch the man's attention.

"I'm telling you Roy, you're not getting any younger! I already gave you a goddaughter so when am I going to get a little godson or daughter for my Elysia to play with?"

"Hughes!" the Colonel interjected but it was no use. Maes Hughes was well known throughout Central Headquarters to ramble forever about specific topics. Normally, the bespectacled man would shove photos of his daughter in front of everyones faces and go on and on about her. Today, however, the topic seemed to be about Roy's marital status.

"Speaking of Elysia," Hughes continued, "I have new pictures of her." Hughes reached into his pocket, pulled out about a dozen photos, and started to shove them into Roy's face. "Isn't she adorable? Look! Here's one with her in her cute bathing suit, here's another with her next to Gracia, and…"

By now Roy was itching to reach into his pocket, pull out his gloves, slip them on, and snap his fingers to burn the multiple photos being shoved in his face. Unfortunately, doing so would cause Hughes to get burned in the process. As much as he disliked having photos of his goddaughter being shoved in his face one after another, he couldn't risk sending his best friend to the hospital with burn marks. Gracia would kill him for doing that to her husband.

"You know Roy; you can have a great kid like me too. All you have to do is settle down. After that you'll be popping out babies from your wife like a machine gun and-"

"HUGHES!" Roy shouted with a red face. Whether his face was burning from embarrassment or anger Hughes couldn't tell. "Don't you have work to do? If you don't have anything important to tell me then I suggest you leave. I have a lot of work to do and the last thing I want is for Hawkeye to kill me for not finishing my paperwork."

"Aw, come on Roy. You know as well as I do that Lieutenant Hawkeye would never shoot you. Besides, aren't you supposed to be the one with the higher rank?"

"I'd like to see you try to pull rank over her when she's pointing a gun at you," Roy shot back.

At that moment a lady with blonde hair and amber eyes came walking into the room. Upon seeing Hughes she immediately stiffened and went to salute him.

"Lt. Colonel Hughes, sir! I wasn't expecting you to be here. I'm sorry if I interrupted anything."

"At ease Lieutenant, I'm just here for a friendly chat with Roy. In fact, we were just talking about you." At this, Roy shot a glare at his best friend while Hawkeye raised an eyebrow. "We were talking about-"

"About how you should really take a break Lieutenant!" Roy interrupted, "You've been working so hard lately. In fact, why don't you take the day off? You need it much more than the rest of us."

Hoping that Hawkeye would take his bait, he glanced back to see her giving her trademark Hawkeye stare. If there was one thing anyone knew about Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, it was that you don't mess around with her. Ever. Just as her name shows, she was known throughout the Ishbal war for having a 99.7% accuracy rate when wielding a gun. Even now, no one has yet to beat her record for sharpshooting.

"Sorry Colonel," Riza started, "but I don't intend to take a break any time soon so you can get rid of that idea. The moment I take a break you'll just neglect your work."

"I would not!" Roy countered, "I'll have you know that I would have all my work finished. I'm heartbroken that you would think so lowly of your superior Hawkeye."

"With all due respect, sir, the paperwork I have given to you from two weeks ago has yet to be completed. I highly doubt that if I did take a day off, it would make a difference to your working habits."

While the two continued to argue back and forth about Roy's working habits, Hughes looked on amusedly at the two's bickering.

'_Hmmm. If I didn't know any better I would almost think these two were a bickering, married couple,' _Hughes thought to himself, '_HA! In fact, Riza is just who Roy needs. Those two have already known each other for a long time. But, Riza would never admit that she likes Roy. I'll just have to convince Roy to make the first move. Now, how should I convince him…'_

"Lt. Colonel Hughes, sir," Hughes was suddenly brought out of his plotting by Riza's voice, "I understand that you may have more pressing matters to discuss with the Colonel but please try to hurry on with it. His paperwork is due in 2 hours and I would like for it to be done by then." A groan could be heard as Roy's head slammed into his desk while muttering obscenities.

"Oh..um.. alright Hawkeye. I promise I won't take long. I just have one more thing to discuss with him then I'm done. Scouts honor!" Hughes smiled while raising his right hand and putting his left over his heart. Somehow, Riza doubted that he was ever really a boy scout.

"Alright, in that case I hope you have a nice day Lt. Colonel." With that, she saluted once more and walked towards the door, closing it on the way out.

"Well, you heard her Hughes. Hurry up and tell me what else you've got to say so I can get back to my miserable paperwork," Roy muttered while glaring at the stacks of paper piled at the corner of his desk. Turning his attention to Hughes he saw a sly smile make its way across his friends face. "What? What's with that smile?"

"Oh nothing, I just realized something today. Do you realize how couple-like you and Hawkeye act? If I didn't know any better I would almost think you two were one."

"What? I know you want me to settle down and all but now you're grouping Hawkeye and me together? I think you've finally lost it!"

"Nope, I'm perfectly sane. Come on, think about it. Everywhere you go Hawkeye is constantly there with you. She's always watching over you, she takes care of, you two have known each other the longest, you know each others strengths and weaknesses, and you two even fight like a married couple!"

"You're being ridiculous Hughes. Everything between Hawkeye and me is strictly professional. Besides, even if I did want to date her, which I don't, the anti-fraternization laws would prohibit any relationship we could possibly share." Well, that wasn't entirely true. While the anti-fraternization laws did prohibit relationships at work, it was only if officers were seen to be acting anything less than professionals. As long as the couple could act professionally at work they could keep their relationship. However, if they didn't then both would have to face court martial. Roy was hoping that Hughes wouldn't know that detail though.

"Darn. Still, you can't tell me you haven't once thought about at least asking Hawkeye out." Roy turned red at the thought. Of course he had, what man with two working eyes hadn't thought of it? Of course, Roy would never admit to Hughes that he even daydreamed at times about what it would be like to have mini Mustangs with black hair and amber eyes run around while he was greeted by Riza after a long day of work.

"HA!" Hughes shouted, scaring Roy out of his short daydream. "You're turning red at the thought! You do like her! Now you just need to tell her Roy. Forget the anti-fraternization rules for now. You two could always just hide your relationship until you reach Fuhrer."

"Forget it Maes. It won't ever happen. Now, I suggest you leave so I can finish this paperwork. You did promise Hawkeye that you would keep this short."

"Fine, fine. But I'm telling you Roy, she's the one."

After seeing Hughes exit the room Roy began his paperwork. Before he could even sign his signature on the first paper the door opened again and Hughes' head popped back in. "Don't think I'll forget this conversation Roy. We'll pick it back up next time." With that, Hughes ducked out of the room just in time before the stapler, which Roy threw, hit him in the face.

"Hmm, maybe getting him to admit his feelings to Hawkeye will be a little harder than I thought." Hughes scrunched up his face as he tried to think of more ways to convince Roy to admit his feelings to Riza.

"Is something the matter Lt. Colonel Hughes?" Turning around, Hughes was greeted by Havoc. Surprisingly, Havoc didn't have a cigarette hanging out of his mouth today. Experiencing an epiphany, Hughes let another wide grin spread across his face, a grin that made Jean Havoc wish he hadn't asked his question.

"Yes, Havoc, there is something the matter and you're just the man I was looking for." With a yelp, Havoc was dragged down the corridor by Hughes all the while dreading what was to come.

'_Perfect, Operation Royai is now in action! Just you wait Roy, I'll make sure you get settled down with so you can finally give my darling Elysia a baby cousin to play with. Even if it's the last thing I do!'_

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So, how is the first chapter? Good, bad? It's my first story so please R&R.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist in any way, shape, or form. I only own this plot.**

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"Wuah!" Havoc cried out he was roughly tossed into a chair. After straightening himself in the chair, he took a look around the office and noticed that it was the Lt. Colonel's office. Sweat began to trickle down his face as he nervously waited for what Hughes was going to say next. Whatever it was, he knew it wasn't going to be good news on his part. Giving his attention to Hughes, he asked in a fearful voice, "So Lt. Colonel, what was it you needed me for that you had to drag me from one end of Central HQ to the other just to ask me?"

"Well, Havoc, I'm glad you asked. Now, I understand that you've known Roy for a very long time now, right?" Havoc nodded slowly. "And, in all that time you've known Roy he's never had a steady girlfriend, right?" Once again, Havoc nodded. "I also understand that a lot of the girls that Roy dates happen to be the girls he stole from you. Is that correct?" Silence answered Hughes.

Hughes turned around and found that Havoc had retreated to the corner of his room. "Havoc? Oi, Havoc. Answer me!" He walked closer to Havoc and could hear him mutter, "Grace…my Grace…why did you have to leave me for the Colonel…"

Hughes sweat dropped at the state his friend was in. He knew Havoc had girlfriend issues but he didn't think it was this bad. "Oi, Havoc. Snap out of it. If everything goes according to my plan then you'll have your girlfriend back soon enough."

With stars in his eyes and tears running down his face, Havoc jumped up from his corner and quickly took both of the Lt. Colonels hands into his own. "You mean it? I can get Grace back?" Hughes nodded while freeing his hands from Havoc's grasp. "Alright then, fire away Lt. Colonel. Best not keep your plans waiting. Just tell me what I need to do and I'll do it."

"That's the spirit Havoc! Now, for my plan to work we need Roy to admit his feelings to Riza."

Havoc's eyes widened, "You're trying to get Lieutenant Hawkeye and Colonel Mustang together? That's crazy! Besides, the Frat laws would never let them be together."

"I know, but they could just keep their relationship a secret. At least until Roy becomes Fuhrer and abolishes the Frat laws. Then they'll get married and finally give me a godchild."

Havoc sweat dropped as Hughes went into his get-Roy-married phase. However, Hughes did have a point. Although the Frat laws discouraged military relationships, people within the military still dated one another. He, himself, had gone out with a couple military girls; and if he wasn't mistaken, Lieutenants Brosh and Ross were currently dating too.

"_Well,_" he thought to himself, "_if Roy and Riza get together then Grace will be so heartbroken that she'll come back to me. Heck, all the girls will come to me once Roy's off the market._" Havoc smiled at the thought. "_This just may be the Lt. Colonel's best plan ever._"

"Alright Hughes, I'll help you out. If Roy gets with Riza then I'll finally be able to keep a girl to myself."

"Ok, first off, you need to ask Riza out on a date. Make sure you do it in front of Roy so that he gets jealous and-"

"WAIT! You want me to ask Riza out? Are you out of your mind? She'll never say yes to me. In fact, I'll be lucky if she doesn't shoot me for asking her out," Havoc yelled as he flailed his arms about in the air. There was no way he was going to ask Riza out if it meant the end of his life.

"Oh come on Havoc. Think of this as a way to get back at Roy and make him jealous for once. Besides, if you don't do this then you'll never get a steady girlfriend for yourself without worrying about Roy stealing her away."

Havoc thought about the situation. No matter how he looked at it, he knew Hughes was right. He knew that with Roy's rank, status, and position, girls would always flock him until Roy decided to finally settle down. Realizing that there was no way out, Havoc replied, "Fine, I'll ask her out today. But, if I die from her guns then I swear I'll come back to haunt you in your sleep."

Hughes laughed off the threat. "Alright, so as I was saying earlier. Make sure you ask Riza out in front of Roy so he'll be jealous of you. Then…"

While Hughes explained his plans to Havoc, back at Mustang's office the Colonel had just finished his paperwork. Amazingly, he got everything done with 20 minutes to spare. Leaning back in his chair, he stretched his arms and legs out while letting his eyes wander over to his First Lieutenant. She was currently sitting on the couch with her legs tucked underneath her while she read her book. Of course, being the hard worker that she is, she had already finished her paperwork hours ago.

Riza Hawkeye was truly a one of a kind person. Through all his recklessness, his complaints about work, his lazy, playboy self, she still stuck by his side. He knew that if it weren't for his goals to become Fuhrer she could have settled down a longtime ago and raised a family by now.

Riza could feel his eyes trained on her figure as she read on the couch. Feeling a bit nervous under his gaze, she fought the urge to blush. Although she hid her feelings for him really well, it wasn't lost on her how handsome he really is. With his jet black hair and obsidian eyes, she had to constantly remind herself not to lose herself in his gaze. As long as the two remained in the military, they couldn't risk anything that would jeopardize Roy's goal of becoming Fuhrer. After a few more minutes of being under Roy's gaze, Riza decided to break the silence.

"Is something the matter, sir?"

Startled by her voice, he slowly answered, "Oh, nothing's wrong. I was just thinking about something."

"And what would that be, sir?" she asked curiously.

He stayed silent for a while so she assumed he wasn't going to answer. Just as she was about to return to her book he asked, "Why?"

Eyebrows furrowed in confusion, she tried to figure out what he was talking about. Seeing the confusion written on her face, he continued on to explain his question. "Why do you stand by my side for so long? I know I asked you to stay by my side until I reached Fuhrer but it's not like you actually had to stay."

"I stay because I want to Colonel. Just like Hughes, Havoc, Breda, Falmon, and Fuery, we all know that you can make a difference to Amestris. That and I want to be there with you when the day comes that my father's alchemy can finally be used for the people, not against them."

Roy's eyes widened at her statement. He knew that the others, like her, followed him because they believed in his cause. However, he never knew about her other reasons to stay. He clenched his fists as he tried to suppress the memories of the war for emerging. Though he was only going by orders, it was still a fact that he used Riza's father's alchemy to murder. She had trusted him with the secrets to flame alchemy and he tainted it. Rather than using it for the people, he used it to kill hundred, maybe even thousands of Ishbalans.

"Still," he continued, "don't you ever think about settling down. Or even going on a date once in a while?"

She chuckled softly, "You know as well as I do, Colonel, that our job leaves little time to have a relationship. But, now that I think of it, I haven't been out with anyone in a while. Who knows? I may just accept the next offer someone gives," she joked. However Roy was anything but amused. In fact, he was inwardly horrified at the thought of someone taking Riza out on a date.

Just then, Havoc came walking through the doors with a nervous look on his face. "Good afternoon Colonel, Lieutenant."

"Afternoon Havoc. What's up with you? You look like you just saw someone die," Roy teased.

"_Yea…I just saw my own death, plus my life flashing before my eyes…_" Havoc thought solemnly. "No, nothings wrong with me," he forced out, "I was actually just coming in to ask Lieutenant Hawkeye something."

Hearing her name being mentioned, Riza gave her attention to Havoc. "Yes, Havoc, what is it?"

"_Well, here goes nothing. Goodbye sweet world. And dear god, if you really do exist, please let there be hot, single babes on the other side if I really do die,_" Havoc thought to himself before finally mustering the courage to ask his question. "Lieutenant Hawkeye, will you please give me the honor of taking you out tonight to dinner?"

Stunned silence reigned throughout the room as Havoc's question finally registered in their brains. Roy's gaped at Havoc while Riza's eyes widened at his question. Roy could feel his heart drop to his stomach as he remembered what Riza had said earlier about accepting the next offer some gives to go out. Surely she wasn't serious about that, right? Of course not, this was strict, always following the rule book Riza he was talking about.

"_Shit, shit, shit, shit! I'm going to die. I'm going to die. Oh my god, I'm actually going to die…."_ Havoc panicked as he heard no reply. Closing his eyes and facing the ground, he waited for a bullet to lodge itself in his body.

"Yes."

Havoc's head snapped up and his eyes widened as he heard her answer. Roy's jaw dropped even more. Riza Hawkeye, the ice, cold woman of Central Headquarters, had said yes to a date; and there was nothing Roy could do about it. His heart felt like it was shredded up and given back to him in pieces. It was his own fault for being so naïve as to think that he could hold onto Riza long enough until he became Fuhrer. Now, he was paying the price and could possibly lose her altogether if her date with Havoc went along smoothly.

"Yes, I'd love to go out with you Lieutenant Havoc," she said softly, a small smile on her face.

"Oh, um, al-alright," Havoc stuttered, still in shock. "That's great! I'll pick you up at 7 then, that is, if the time is fine with you."

"Yes, 7 is alright. I'll see you then, Havoc. Now, I must be going. Hayate is still waiting at home and needs to be fed. I'll see you tomorrow Colonel." With that, she gathered her materials and exited the room, leaving behind a shocked Lieutenant and a heartbroken Colonel.

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Ok, sorry if this chapter was boring. I needed to get the build up to the date and have Havoc incorporated into the story. Next chapter will be much more interesting, that much I can promise. May take me a while to write though so I'm sorry for any waits, I've got a lot of homework piling on top of each other these days that I find it hard to find the time to actually sit down a let my thoughts flow. But, yea, please review and feel free to call me out on anything that needs improvement.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist in any way, shape, or form. I own only the plot.**

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"Hughes!" The doors of Hughes' office burst open as Roy made his way towards Maes' desk. "She said yes! Just this morning she was single and now she's taken! With Havoc of all people!" Roy rambled hysterically.

"Woah there Roy, slow down with the hysterics. Now, tell me slowly, what happened?" Hughes listened patiently as Roy retold what happened at his office about Havoc asking Riza out and Riza accepting the offer. '_Yes, Havoc actually snagged Riza. Everything is going according to plan,'_ Hughes thought happily.

"I can't believe she actually said yes to Havoc. She's never said yes to any other guys…" Roy continued.

"You're not jealous are you Roy," Hughes questioned with a smirk on his face. Roy's eyes widened at the question. "Of course not!" Roy denied. "Why would I be jealous of Havoc? I have plenty of girls I could date. I'm just shocked that Hawkeye would actually agree and risk going against the Frat laws by going out with Havoc, that's all."

Though Roy denied the fact that he was jealous, he knew very well that he was very jealous indeed. Jealous at the fact that Havoc would be going out with the girl he loved for a very long time now but could never have, jealous that Havoc had the guts to ask Riza out when he could never muster the courage to ask her himself, jealous that Riza had said yes to Havoc.

"Oh, then I guess you won't mind if the date hitches off alright and Riza stays with Havoc. Who knows, maybe in a year we'll be attending their wedding. Then years from that, we'll be seeing little mini Havocs and Hawkeyes running around with toy guns and-"

"Will you just shut up already?" Roy growled. Everything Hughes had just said were the very thoughts he was afraid of.

"Nope, at least not until you admit to me that you love Riza. There's no use denying it Roy. It's already obvious to just about everyone so you might as well just accept it and ask her out yourself." Hughes retorted. "And don't you dare try to use the "it's against the Frat Laws" excuse on me. I took a look over the Frat laws earlier and found that it didn't say anything about prohibiting officers from having a relationship. As long as you two keep a professional relationship at work, which no doubt Hawkeye will do, you two can pursue a relationship with one another."

Roy cursed inwardly. He was hoping that Maes would never find out about the little loophole in the Frat laws. As if he wasn't annoying enough before, he would be ten times worse now that he knew this little tidbit. He sighed to himself, he knew he was cornered.

"Fine! You win! I love her okay, you happy now?" Roy said in exasperation and defeat.

"Partly," Maes said with a smirk on his face, "I'll be even happier when you confess to her and get married."

"That'll never happen Maes. She doesn't feel the same way about me. She's never once showed any interest in me. Heck, even when I was apprenticed to her father she didn't show any interest. Military or not, she doesn't love me." Roy said sadly.

"That's not true. I'm like 99.9% sure that she love you too. Why else would she stay by your side for so long when she could have left a long time ago. I bet she just happens to be really good at hiding her feelings. I'm telling you Roy, you two are made for each others. You two are soul mates, destined for each other. Like Romeo and Juliet." Maes said, attempting to cheer Roy up and get him to see that he could still get together with Riza.

"Maes, you do know that Romeo and Juliet died, right? So are you saying we'll die before really getting anywhere?"

"NO! You know what I mean. But anyway, the main point is that Romeo and Juliet loved each other and were destined for each other, just like you and Riza. All you have to do is confess to her and BAM! You'll find yourself with a wife in no time."

Roy thought about it for a couple minutes then stood up abruptly, flames of determination reflected in his eyes. "You're absolutely right Maes. There's no way I'll lose someone as great as Riza to Havoc. He may be my friend but this means war!"

"So, does this mean you'll tell her your true feelings," Maes said excitedly, hyped at the fact that everything was going just the way he had planned it.

"Yes, but first I need to sabotage their date," Roy said evilly, "and you're going to help me."

"_Say what?_" Hughes thought, thoroughly confused. "What do you mean sabotage their date?" "_This wasn't part of the plan! Roy's not supposed to sabotage anything. He's supposed to confess to Riza the next day, after he realizes that he might lose her to Havoc."_

"It's exactly as I said it," Roy explained, a mischievous smile forming on his face as he turned to face Hughes. "In order to be sure that Riza doesn't fall for Havoc, we'll have to make sure their date ends badly enough that Riza won't ever go out with Havoc again."

Hughes sweat dropped over the extremities that Roy was willing to go just to insure that Riza would stay available. "Hey, don't I have a say in this. I'd rather not get shot at for ruining the Lieutenants night out with Havoc. If she finds out what we're doing, we'll have so many bullet holes in our body that the pathologist won't be able to identify us at all. I'm sorry Roy, but if you want to sabotage their date, you'll have to do it alone."

"Oh, trust me, you will help out. Unless you want Gracia to find out what happened at your bachelor's party."

Hughes paled. He could remember what happened at his bachelor's party as if it happened just yesterday. He had promised Gracia that he wouldn't do anything stupid and that it would just be a fun time out with his friends. Unfortunately, he made the mistake of letting Roy choose how the party would be run. Roy had decided that just because Hughes would be getting married, it didn't mean the others couldn't fool around. Without letting Maes know, Roy had invited a couple strippers to dance at Hughes' party to keep the other boys entertained, much to Maes' horror. Now, he was glad that he had done that. Maes never told Gracia what had happened and he made Roy promise not to tell either. As a result, Roy had the best blackmail one could use against a married man.

Maes opened and closed his mouth, then repeated the action a couple more times, reminding Roy of a fish. Finally forming a sentence, Maes cried out, "You wouldn't! Roy! You promised me you'd never bring up that night. Gracia will kill me if she finds out what happened. I'll go from a married man to a divorced man faster than you can say Elysia!"

"Well, then I guess you'll just have to help me out on this, won't you? Also, I doubt Gracia would divorce you over something like that." Roy smiled, satisfied that he had Maes just where he wanted him. Maes burried his face in his hands and groaned.

"_I can't believe he would use my bachelor's party against me. Ugh, I should've just let them figure their own feelings out. I know I'm going to regret this somewhere down the line." _Realizing there was no way out of Roy's plan, he let out a sigh of defeat. "Fine, I'll go along with your crazy plan. Doesn't mean I like it though."

"Excellent! Now, here's what we do…."

-Hours later-

Walking through the restaurant doors, Jean Havoc had an arm wrapped around the shoulders of Riza Hawkeye as they followed their waiter to their table. Tonight, Jean dressed up in a nice white, button-up shirt with a black tux jacket over it and matching black slacks. As for Riza, she donned a white blouse with a knee length skirt. Her hair cascaded down past her shoulders to mid back.

As they sat down, Jean thought to himself, "_Wow, Hawkeye sure has some set of legs. Roy would kill to be in my position right now."_

Riza looked around the restaurant, clearly impressed that Havoc would bring her to such a place. She had been expecting Havoc to take her out to the movies then to a regular diner. The fact that he had brought her out to a restaurant as fancy as this was definitely a shocker. Though, she did wonder how he was able to reserve this place on such short notice. "Wow, I'm really honored that you would bring me here Havoc," she started, "though I am curious, how were you able to reserve a table on such short notice? From what I've heard, usually people have to make reservation weeks in advance just to get a table."

Havoc chuckled nervously, "Oh, I had some friends that were able to pull some strings to get me in here." Well, technically it is true. Maes is a friend and he did pull strings to get Havoc a table. It made him wonder if Maes had this all pre-planned weeks ago, opposed to just planning it on the spot.

"I wasn't aware that you were that connected with others," Riza went on, surprise shown on her face. Havoc just smirked and winked at her, "Well Lieutenant, I'm a mysterious man after all. There's a lot about me that doesn't meet the eye."

Riza laughed softly and raised an eyebrow. "Really? I wouldn't think so with the way you and the rest of the boys act at work. You lot seem pretty predictable to me." Havoc shrugged, "yea, that's just when we're at work. Outside of work we're wild men."

Riza laughed again and Havoc smiled. It wasn't often that one could see Riza Hawkeye look so carefree. Usually, she is stoic and strict, never letting even a slight chuckle out of her at work. He was glad that he could see a side of her that not many were privileged to see. "Hawkeye, have I mentioned how beautiful you look tonight?" Riza blushed, taken aback by his sudden compliment.

"No, but thank you Havoc. You look handsome yourself."

"Excuse me sir, madam," a fake high pitch voice cut in, "are you ready to order?"

Havoc looked at Riza and she nodded, "Yes, I'll have a steak done medium rare and a glass of wine please."

"Alright," the screechy voice said, "and you miss?"

"I'll just have a salad and a glass of water."

"Ok." Havoc resisted the urge to wince at the voice. The lady really needed to get a better set of lungs. "The food will be out in a bit. Can I have the menus please?" Havoc quickly took the menus and proceeded to hand them to the waitress, eager to get rid of her. Looking up towards the waitress, Havoc's eyes bulged at the sight that greeted him.

It was Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes….in a skirt. The Lt. Colonel was decked in a black skirt and white top. He wore bright red lipstick and his face was covered in make up. The high heels he wore made him a couple inches taller. He donned a red haired wig that went down to mid back. To any other person, the Lt. Colonel could have looked like an abnormally muscular female. But Havoc wasn't fooled, the face on the waitress looked too much like Hughes to be anyone else. "She" even had green eyes and rectangular glasses like Hughes.

"_What the hell,"_ Havoc thought, "_what's Hughes doing here? This wasn't part of the plan! And what the heck is he doing in a skirt? Oh my god, I think my eyes have been scarred for life." _

"Havoc?" Havoc jumped, startled by Riza's voice. "Is something wrong?"

"_Of course there's something wrong! One of my best friends is in front of me dressed up as a girl!_" "Of course not," he chuckled nervously and proceeded to hand the menu back to the "waitress". "I'm sorry about that. Here you go."

"Oh, it's no problem," Hughes said in the high pitch voice, "as I was saying before, your food will be out soon. Please enjoy!" As Hughes walked away, he discreetly slipped a piece of paper into Havoc's lap. Noticing the move, Havoc went to unfold the paper all the while trying to do it secretly so Riza wouldn't notice.

_Meet me by the bathroom in like 10 minutes. There's a huge problem. Roy messed everything up and now the plan is going awry. Try to keep Riza from being suspicious._

_ -Hughes_

Havoc balled up the paper and stuffed it in his pocket. A million thoughts ran through his head as he tried to figure out what Hughes meant by Roy messing everything up. Had he found out about Maes' plan and was now going to torch him for taking Riza out on a date? He should've known better; if Riza wasn't going to kill him then Roy would.

He and Riza talked a little more as they waited on their food. They talked about work, Hayate, Roy's laziness, and what could happen in the future. Noticing that 10 minutes was almost up, Havoc excused himself to go use the bathroom. As he neared the bathrooms, Havoc started to call for Maes.

"Shhhh," Maes whispered from behind a fake plant.

Havoc whirled around and hissed, "what the heck is going on? What do you mean that Roy's going to ruin everything! You told me that this plan would go smoothly Maes. And, why the hell are you wearing a skirt?"

"Shhh," Maes repeated, "the idea of the plan is going smoothly. Roy came to me and admitted that he does love Riza. Unfortunately, he got a bit too jealous and managed to blackmail me into helping him sabotage your date with Riza."

Havoc gaped at him, "how the heck did he manage to blackmail you? Normally you're the one that's doing the blackmailing."

Hughes waved off the question, "that's not important right now. I just wanted to warn you so you could keep a lookout. Now, see that guy over there with the glasses and brown hair?" Havoc turned around. He spotted the man Hughes was talking about. The guy was about 5'11" with sandy brown hair, blue eyes, and wearing rectangular glasses that were similar to Hughes. He wore a black suit with a white button up shirt underneath and blue tie to go along with his outfit. Though Havoc had never seen the guy before, he seemed to have recognized him from somewhere. He just couldn't figure out where.

"Yea," Havoc replied, "I see him. But what does he got to do with me?"

Hughes grimaced, "that's Roy in disguise. And you had better watch out for him tonight if you want to get through this night alive." Havoc's eyes grew wider. He spun back and spotted the brown haired man, he was sitting at a table right next to the one Riza was sitting in.

"He's disguised too!" Havoc practically shouted.

"SHHH," Hughes hissed, "and I don't know what he has planned out for you. Just that you better be cautious." Havoc groaned. Facing the wall, he started to slowly bang his head against it, ignoring the other people as they entered and exited the bathrooms.

"Great," he said to himself, "can't I have one successful date, even if it's a fake one to me, that goes right without Roy ruining it?" Turning around, he faced Hughes again, "well, there's nothing else I can do. If I stay here too long, Riza will get suspicious or think I ditched her. I might as well go in and take whatever Roy's going to give me."

Hughes patted Havoc on the back, "I wish you luck." Havoc shot Hughes a dark look, signifying that it was his fault that he got cursed with such bad luck. Muttering a thanks, Havoc slowly made his way back to the table.

"Well, you sure took your time Havoc," Riza said as Havoc sat down.

Havoc forced a smile as he tried to hide his dilemma from showing on his face, "yea, you wouldn't believe the line they have for the men's room."

After a couple more minutes, Hughes came back with their food in his hands. "Here you go, sir and madam, enjoy."

As they ate their food in silence, Havoc kept his eyes on the lookout for Roy. Riza noticed how fidgety he started to act and questioned him on his actions.

"Oh, sorry Hawkeye. I guess I was just nervous about this date," Havoc replied nervously, hoping she would buy his excuse. Nodding, she went back to her food. Letting go a breath of relief, Havoc reached for his glass of wine. Before he could drink it however, someone carelessly bumped into him, causing him to fumble and spill his wine all over the table and himself.

"I'm terribly sorry sir," the man said.

Havoc sighed; this was definitely not going to be his night. Looking down he realized that the wine had soaked his pants, making it seem as if he had wet himself. "Are you okay Havoc?" Riza questioned, "Did any of the wine spill on you?"

"Yea, its fine though," he replied, "I'll just go get it cleaned off in the bathroom. You continue eating; at least one of us should enjoy dinner."

"I really am sorry sir." the stranger said once again. "Here, why don't I help you get all of that cleaned off?"

Havoc turned towards the man, ready to tell him it wasn't necessary when he paused, realizing who the man was. He had sandy brown hair, blue eyes, and glasses. Although the man kept apologizing, his eyes told another story. They held no sincerity and there was even a trace of a smirk on his face. Havoc was looking at the face of Colonel Roy Mustang.

Realization hit him like a ton of bricks as he understood what had truly happened. Looking back down at his soaking lap then back to Roy, he knew this was just the beginning. "_Hughes,_" Havoc thought, "_when this night ends, you are so dead!"_

Roy smirked inwardly as he stared into Havoc's eyes, challenging him. "_Oh yes,_" he thought to himself, "_the war starts now."_

_

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Ok, all my wonderful readers that put up with my horrid writing skills, how was it? R&R please and again, constructive criticism in highly encouraged.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Don't own it, just the plot and Lizzy.

A/N: Part of this chapter was done in collaboration with 8DRainbowManVan8D. He's one of my best friends from school and together, we hope everyone will enjoy this chapter. Also, as a side note, my profile page now has a Weekly news update on my progress and what I'm doing. Please check that out from time to time if you have any questions on why I take so long with my story, or where my progress is at. Anyway, enough with my chitchat. ONWARD! =]

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Havoc stared into the fake, blue eyes of who he knew was Roy Mustang. Stuttering, he began, "I-it's o-okay. Really. It's fine." Havoc let out a nervous chuckle, hoping that Roy wouldn't notice that he knew it was Roy in disguise.

"Please," Roy said again, "I was the idiot that got your wine spilled all over yourself. How about I make it up to you by ordering you some cake? It'll be on me."

Havoc could only nod in agreement. If anything it would get Roy to leave faster and possibly get off his back. Havoc excused himself from the table to use the bathroom to get cleaned up. As he walked towards the restroom doors, he failed to notice the smirk that crawled onto Roy's face.

Turning around, Roy faced Riza and began to apologize to her for ruining her date with her boyfriend. "Oh, he's not my boyfriend," Riza said, earning an inward 'Yes!' from Roy, "he's just a friend from work. He just asked me out tonight and I figured I might as well go out rather than stay cooped up in my house."

"Ah, I see," Roy nodded, "in any case, I'm terribly sorry for ruining your dinner." With that, Roy turned around and began to head towards the bar. Just before he could sit down on the stool, Roy did a double take as something, or rather someone, caught his attention. He turned his sights on a flamboyantly dressed man that had started to make his way towards Roy. The man's hips swayed back and forth as he got closer, his dangling earrings moving with every stride.

The guy had a fohawk with brown hair and bleach blonde streaks. He had crystal, clear, blue eyes that sparkled like the eyes of Major Armstrong. He had on a tight button-up shirt that had two buttons undone at the top, showing off the tan skin underneath, and a tiger striped vest. His pants were tight, low-cut skinny jeans that clung to his legs as if they were a second layer of skin. To top it all off, he even had matching shoes to go with his vest.

Finally, the man reached Roy. Up close, Roy resisted the urge to gag. '_What the hell? This guy smells like a freaking perfume shop!'_ Roy thought.

"Hey there hun," the man said to Roy in a feminine voice, "the names Lizzy. How about you and I get to know each other better at that table over there?"

Roy looked stunned, never in his life had he ever been hit on by a gay man. '_Oh my god…is he hitting on me? He is! I'm not gay, I'm straight dammit!'_ Roy panicked, trying to think of a way to get rid of the man named Lizzy. Suddenly, an idea hit Roy and he let another smirk make its way on his face. "Sorry man, but I'm straight," Roy said.

The man pouted, "Are you sure? I mean, I can be pretty convincing." Lizzy winked, causing the hair on Roy's neck to stand up.

Roy chuckled nervously, "Yes, I'm sure. But, I do have a gay friend that happens to be in the bathroom right now. His name is Havoc. He's single, **VERY** interested, and has blonde hair and blue eyes. I'm sure you'll have no problem finding him in there."

Lizzy perked up at the prospect of another gay man, "Oooo, I'll be right back hun." Lizzy turned around and started to head towards the men's room. All the while his hips were swaying, elbows bent, and hands at shoulder level. Roy shuddered as he watched Lizzy walk away.

"I really need a drink," he muttered, making his way back over to the bar.

**

Havoc stood by the sinks, wetting paper towel after paper towel and trying to get the wine stain out of his pants. "Dammit, that stupid colonel just had to make a mess all over me." The door creaked open as Lizzy overhead Havoc. Havoc started to head to the urinals to relieve himself. Unzipping his pants, he starts to but then hears heavy breathing and warm air hitting his neck. Slowly, he turned his head around and was greeted by Lizzy's face, staring down at his "little happy man." His eyes got huge and as Lizzy looks up and smiles at Havoc.

Lizzy moved his hands to rub Havocs arm and shoulder. "Hey sexy," Lizzy purred, "I couldn't help but notice how well endowed you are. I'm jealous." Lizzy began to move his hands downward, rubbing Havoc's thighs in the process.

Havoc could only stare in shock, frozen like a statue at this mans advances. Then, he jolted out of his frozen state and screamed, arms flailing in the process. He ran out of Lizzy's grasp and into the bathroom stall, slamming it shut and locking the door, his back against the door. Panting, he tried to regain his thoughts on how to escape from the gay man.

Lizzy, assuming that Havoc was just shy or playing hard to get, headed into the stall next to Havocs. Havoc turned towards the door and crouched down, looking to see if Lizzy would crawl through the bottom of the stall doors. Little did he know, Lizzy was actually climbing over the stall and happened to see Havoc's butt sticking up in the air.

Smiling mischievously, Lizzy grabbed onto Havocs hips, leaned over, and whispered, "What a promising position," into Havocs ear. To top it all off, he even smacked Havoc's butt for emphasis. Havoc screamed once again as he desperately scrambled out of the stall and rolled away. Still screaming, havoc got up quickly and ran towards the door and out into the restaurant. Lizzy threw open the stall door and reached towards Havoc's retreating back, hands held out in front of him he yelled, "Wait hunny! We were meant to be!"

Lizzy ran out into the restaurant and attempted to follow Havoc through the crowd of people that were waiting for a table. He got twisted around and ended up losing sight of Havoc. His hands flew up to his face as he sobbed into them, muttering how he would never meet another man like Havoc again.

Havoc panted as he made his way back to his table. He looked over his shoulder to see if the gay man had followed him. Nothing. He sat down in his chair, breathing out a breath of relief. Riza raised an eyebrow, curious as to what could have relieved Havoc so much.

"Did something happen Havoc?" she questioned.

Havoc could only twitch. "You have no idea," he replied, his voice laced with tiredness. His face was still flushed from the run and sweat started to drip down the side of his face. Never before had he ran as much as he did back there. Riza leaned over the table and wiped the sweat off his face with a napkin. If Havoc wasn't red before, then he definitely was now over Riza's action. Her leaning forward had led to her face being closer to Havocs that ever before.

Roy, who was observing the two from his table, clenched his fists. Jealousy coursed through his veins at the sight of the two being so close together. From the corner of his eyes, he could see Hughes making his way over to the couple. In his hands, he held the cake Roy had ordered for Havoc as an apology for the wine incident. Roy grinned as another thought came into his mind. He waited for Hughes to come closer, then, discreetly, he stuck his foot out, tripping Hughes in the process.

Hughes let out a strangled yell as he hit the floor. "Watch out!" he yelled as the cake he once held went soaring over the tables. Like slow motion, Roy watched with a smile as the sweet dessert sailed over his head and hit the side of Havoc's face. Riza, who had pulled back from wiping Havoc's face, let out a gasp as the cake slid down the side of Havoc's face and hit the table with a SPLAT!

All eyes around the restaurant came to rest on Havoc. Everything was hushed and only silence reigned over the room. Then, Riza let out an unexpected giggle as the looked over Havoc's face. Her shoulders shook as she brought her hand to her mouth, attempting to hold in the laughter. Havoc slowly raised his hand towards his face, scooping the remnants of the cake off his face. More chuckles and giggles burst out throughout the room as the other people stared at Havoc.

Havoc shot a glare out to the people around him, successfully getting them to shut up. Narrowing his eyes in annoyance, he turned back to Riza. "Well, I'm glad you find this hilarious," he said sarcastically.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, "I couldn't help it. Your face was priceless."

Havoc let out a sigh, "How about we leave this place? At the rate I'm going at, I'll be lucky if I live through this night." Riza let out a chuckle and agreed with Havoc. As they left the building Havoc reached into his pocket, pulling out a pack of cigarettes. "You don't mind me smoking do you?"

Riza shook her head, "Normally I would but I think with all thats gone on tonight, you're entitled to a smoke." Havoc smiled, glad that she was so understanding. He placed the cigarette between his lips and reached into his pockets to grab a lighter. However, he frowned when he found nothing. Cursing, he began to look through his other pockets for a lighter. He sighed, giving up until a hand went up to his face, a match in it. He looked up and lo and behold, there stood Roy Mustang with a lit match.

"Need a fire?" Roy questioned. Havoc nodded. Roy extended his hand back out towards Havoc's face to light the cigarette. Just then, someone bumped into Roy causing him to drop the match right onto Havoc's tie. Havoc yelled, his hands hitting his chest as he tried to put out the fire.

Apparently, Hughes had run out of the restaurant in an attempt to find Roy who had followed the couple out. As he spotted Roy, he made a mad dash for him in his high heels. Unfortunately, since he wasn't used to the heels, he collided with Roy, causing him to drop the match onto Havocs tie.

Riza stood by Havocs side, attempting to get a hold of Havoc to calm him down. "Havoc!" she yelled, "stop, drop and roll! Stop, drop and roll!"

Havoc fell to the ground, rolling back and forth along the cold sidewalk. Soon enough, the fire went out. Luckily he wasn't wearing polyester or else his chest would have been scorched. Havoc laid on his back, taking deep breaths as he tried to calm himself. '_I should've known better to take a match from Mustang. Something bad was bound to happen. Damn Maes. This is his entire fault. He promised that this night would go smoothly. So far I've gotten wine spilled on me, hit on by a gay man, hit in the face by a cake, and caught on fire. COULD THIS NIGHT GET ANY WORSE?_' Havoc thought, distressed at how the nights progress has been.

Riza held out a hand for Havoc, offering to pull him up. Grateful, he took her soft hands as she gently helped him up. Roy and Maes had disappeared sometime during Havoc's distress over being caught on fire. Hopefully, that would be a good sign to Havoc and it would mean that Roy had decided to leave Havoc alone. Sighing, he said to Riza, "Here, let me walk you home. It's the least I can do tonight since nothing else has gone right."

Riza gave Havoc a gentle smile, then led their way to her house. After about ten minutes, they made it to her doorstep. Havoc walked her up to her door then turned to apologize to her over the disastrous date.

"It's not a problem Havoc," she reassured him, "think of it this way. Even if it didn't work out well, it's still one heck of a memory to remember by. I'm sure that one day you'll look back and even get a few laughs at this."

Havoc let out a deep chuckle, "Yea, but I for one don't ever want to have to go through this again. If me dating ends with this much disaster, then maybe I'll just stop."

Riza let out a laugh of her own. Then she looked Havoc in the eyes. "I really did have a nice night Havoc. You're a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have you but I'm afraid that I'm not one of them. You'll find that special someone. And when you do, I'm sure you can tell them about this date as a great story." Havoc smiled at what she said. A huge part of him was glad that this night hadn't transpired into anything more. If it did, then he wouldn't know what he would do to defend himself against Mustang's future plans of revenge. The other smaller part of him was just glad that she had enjoyed herself. She really did work too hard at work. She deserved a nice night out, even if it was at his expense.

Havoc's eyes widened as she leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. Just before she did, she heard a rustle from the bushes by her house and a soft "Shh!" She leaned back and quickly took out the gun she had concealed under her skirt. Havoc's eyes bulged and he nearly fainted at the sight of her gun. '_She had her gun the whole time? What was she planning? To shoot me if I made a wrong move?'_

She aimed her gun towards the bush. "Whoever is out there come out now!" No one answered so she pulled the trigger, aiming just left of the bushes. Immediately, two figures jumped out from the bushes, hands held up high. It was Roy and Maes. The two had followed them to Riza's house. Unfortunately, Roy had made too much noise as Riza was leaning in to kiss Havoc on the cheek which prompted Maes to shush him up. However, Riza had heard the rustling.

"Don't shoot!" Maes and Roy shouted together.

"We mean no harm Hawkeye," said Roy, "it's me, Roy." Riza narrowed here eyes as Roy started to sweat bullets. He began to wonder if she really would pull the trigger for spying on her.

"Sir," she practically growled out, "what are you doing here? And is that Lt. Colonel Maes Hughes?" She stared at the "girl" wondering why Hughes was dressed up as a girl.

"Maes?" the "girl" said in a high pitched voice, "Whose Maes? I'm not Maes. No, no, no, I'm afraid you're mistaken. My name's Maesalina."

Roy face palmed over Maes' stupidity while Riza and Havoc could only sweat drop over his obvious lie. Sighing, Riza slowly lowered her gun and re-holstered it in her hiding position. She opened the door to her house and turned towards the guys. "Havoc, did you know about this?" Havoc could only stare at the ground guiltily. She sighed again, "Why don't you all come in? You three have a lot to explain."

The three men could only nod as they followed her into her house. It was going to be a long night.

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OK! Done with this chapter. The whole gay scene is credited to my friend 8DRainbowManVan8D. He thought up practically the whole thing. Please Read and Review (R&R).


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